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Stuff and Shenanigans: Hello darkness my old friend

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Holy lobotomize me, Batman.

Sad child in times of corona pandemic
I searched for “depressing” and this came up.
Photo by Ute Grabowsky/Photothek via Getty Images

So, um.......................................

That might have been the bleakest thing I’ve ever seen, which is saying something considering 10 months ago a kitten died in my arms.

(Joking, obviously.

It was on my lap.)

A 100% Accurate and 0% Sober Rundown of Absolutely Everything

Usually I write something here that includes, like, “thoughts” or “takes” or whatever, but this game was like watching a B-52 drop stool-filled oil drums on a stadium and, as such, has no vernacular equivalent that can accurately capture it all. Subsequently I thought the closest English can get to expressing what ought to be expressed is through the majesty of poetry.

Unfortunately for you, that means you’re about to read poetry. Which isn’t a bad thing inherently, but it is when it’s written by yours truly.

Without further ado:

*Ahem*

An Ode-ish to Scott Huff

Oh no Mister Huff

Having dudes block was your job

Oh no oh no oh

An Ode-ish to Scott Huff pt. 2

No oh no oh no

Oh no oh no oh no oh

No oh no oh no

My Eyes Aren’t Bad Enough to Not See That

Unfortunately

800 over 20

Still could see that mess

Oh Sweet Karma You Fickle Bitch

There was a UW Twitter crankin’

Out tweets making fun of the tankin’

Of the offense of Stanford

And Oregon’s crap turd

And then karma went “Leeroy Jenkins!”

Oh Christ (Our Receivers Are Dead)

[To the tune of Flight of the Conchords’ “Robots (The Humans Are Dead)”]

Our receivers are dead

Our receivers are dead

They looked alright in fall camp

And now our joy is all hamp

(ered)

Our receivers are dead

(That’s right they are dead)

Our receivers are dead

(How long will they be dead?)

Let’s just run triple option

It could be run by a coxswain

(Affirmative, we have lots of coxswains who are good and not dead)

Oh Sweet Karma You Fickle Bitch 2.0

“El Oh El” they cheered from the Palouse

as their sworn nemeses, prideful owners of the beloved tree fruit chalice

slipped on a banana and fell face first into brown bear’s fecal excrement.

O! If only they had learned

from that very instance

to not seek joy in the pain of others, til thou could be so sure

a shit-eating and Cougin’ did not thou await.

O how the turntables...

And also

what even is an Aggie, anyway?

A Bright Side, But Only For Me

I s’pose

If there must be

A silver lining among this —

I was right that Montana’s 3-3-5 is

a bitch

An Ode-ish to Scott Huff pt. 3

No but like really

That blocking was so so bad

Make it better, please?

Another Silver Lining-ish, If You’re Feelin’ It

Roses are red

Violets are blue

At least our defense

Wasn’t mostly poo

O Brother Where Art Thou?

Roses are red

Violets are blue

I miss ZTF

Because I’m not a moron and neither are you

The Football Gods

Roses are red

Violets are blue

God’s mad we no longer have an Australian punter

What’s Gabbie Plain up to?

Actually, Speaking Of

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Lookin’ forward to softball season

Because Coach Tarr whoops ass and would never lose to Montana even if maybe sometimes her approach to small ball can get a bit stressful but like it’s just one controlled chaos ball chess match and I respect that, although maybe I’m biased because her old pitching coach taught me how to throw a change up back in the day but no I don’t think I’m biased because again she definitely would never lose to Montana

Roses, etc.

Roses are red

Violets are blue

Why are all our receivers dead?

Lines of the Week

So usually this is where I’d get all fun n’ crap, and include some fun crappy gifs from fun TV shows and movies that best illustrate fun and/or crappy moments from the previous weekend’s game. But uh, instead of having a carefully curated collection of the 21st century’s finest artworks... ya know that scene in Indiana Jones where the Nazi guy is shrieking as his face melts off? Yeah, just that. For the whole game.

Anyways, go watch some videos of kitten videos, etc., because stewing in misery doesn’t do anyone any good and here at UWDP we want you to be happy, gall darn it.

Alternatively, every time I watch Officer Dangle new boot goofin’, it improves my mood by one (1) mood unit:

Do good things, don’t do bad things, and bow down to Washington.