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Stuff and Shenanigans: Two newfies and peering into the future

This season is dumb, so I’m ignoring it.

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Arkansas State v Washington Photo by Abbie Parr/Getty Images

No intro, but instead because this season’s a dumb ol’ waste, I present to thee, dear reader:

Shit in Washington’s future that doesn’t suck

Carson Bruener

My God, it’s been 84 years since we last had two reliable inside linebackers side-by-side. Eddie Ulofoshio and Carson Bruener together? Not to speak too soon, but I’ve genuinely almost forgotten what it’s like having the middle of the field not be a gaping hole bigger than the Dardanelles.

And frankly, I for one am thrilled at this prospective new reality.

Devin Culp apparently learning how to catch

In high school, Devin Culp was 1/11th of an offense that could be described as a throwback to the Roosevelt presidency (Teddy’s version). Despite being ostensibly a tight end-ish, over half his yards were from running the ball. The steps to his job pretty much were: 1) be huger than everyone, 2) be faster than everyone, and 3) here’s this ball, go do steps one and two. Sure, he had to catch the ball occasionally, but mostly Gonzaga Prep had him doing a tribute to the Gil Dobie era.

This was pretty clear to see for much of the last couple years, as he didn’t see the field all too often and, when he did, more often than not did his best Krista Vansant impression when a pass came his way.

Now I’m not saying Culp is all-the-sudden the owner of the softest smoothest silkiest hands west of the Rockies, but the dude’s made bonafide strides. You never want your NFL prototype tight end to be out for, like, half the season but if that is gonna happen it might as well happen during a throwaway season that gives Devin Culp the chance to get way better.

As much as it stinks to waste what’s presumably Cade Otton’s last year, the tight ends kind of look like they might still whoop ass next season?

Voi Tunuufi exists

Let the thicc boys reign once more I say! Actually... is Voi Tunuufi the Carson Bruener of the interior defensive line?

Regardless, big fan of this dude doing things. Please continue being good and getting better, Mr. Two-newfies.

Having reasonable, not at all insane developmental expectations for Sam Huard

Dylan Morris was never gonna be a superstar, but at least after last year he looked like he’d be a decent, better-than-average-at-most-things-but-great-at-nothing stop gap. Welp... Just as much as it felt inevitable for Jimmy Lake’s tenure to end, it feels like Morris’s time as QB1 is stumbling to a finish too.

Honestly, I feel bad for the guy more than anything. Pretty much every tangible and intangible skill that a quarterback has, he regressed at significantly this season. While he wasn’t destined to be a Heisman winner, I feel like there might not be another player on this team who looked more broken by this coaching staff than Morris. Well, maybe Sean McGrew and Kamari Pleasant got more screwed over by them, but I digress...

For what it’s worth, I still think Morris could be rehabilitated by a coaching staff that aren’t morons, but they’re gonna have to make him unlearn lots of... all that this season was. Which might be speaking too soon (although I doubt it); nothing’s technically inevitable, but we all have that gut feeling that the Sam Huard-based future is coming sooner rather than later.

And I for one am looking forward to having reasonable, totally-not-batshit-insane over-reactions to every little good and bad thing Huard does in said future.

Theoretically not having Scott Huff coach Washington’s perennially-underperforming offensive line, and meanwhile not having John Donovan and Jimmy Lake’s horrendous run-blocking scheme that makes me want to gouge my eyes out with a crab fork

I guess that’s self-explanatory...

But seriously, I mean Colorado for Christ’s sake who had previously averaged a whopping one sack per game got to Morris thrice. Do you know how badly you have to screw up to make me type the word “thrice”? Three times.

The receivers, so long as they don’t all transfer portal outta this bitch

Also self-explanatory. Rome Odunze and Jalen McMillan rule, and Taj Davis is pretty a-okay too, and I’d like to have Terrell Bynum back but if not then fair enough. And yes, “transfer portal” is a verb now. Deal with it, son.

Lastly, read this in Steve Carell’s voice as Michael Scott:

I love field goals. Would love to be able to kick one some day.

Someday we’ll get one...

Until then, and most importantly, I’m looking forward to Race Porter making history when he becomes the first punter to ever go first overall in the NFL draft.

Lines of the Week

Ya know what, I feel like it’s been a hot minute since I went full Arrested Development on all y’all, so this week’s lines are all Bluth, all the time.

When we sat through a gazillion hours of pure comedy to watch the Dawgs take a big ol’ L:

Dylan Morris every time he’d get to the red zone after like 16 third-and-long throws:

All of the offense within the hashmarks after that 96 yard fumble, scoop, and score:

And all of us:

The offensive line versus Carson Wells:

Aaaaand the rest of us, waiting desperately for this tire fire year to be over:

Do good things, don’t do bad things, and bow down to Washington.