The Montlake Mush: Done With Undergrad

Hello fair beings and, before we begin, apologies for my big fat absence from UWDP for the last month or so. Now I’m not conceited enough to think any of you noticed, but for the maybe two or three of you who did — congratulations! You just unwittingly witnessed the end of my undergraduate career, in that its associated final shenanigans were quite busy beating me to death and thus keeping me away from here.

Anyways, on to sports and crap:

Let’s start off with baseball to ease the pain from that other Seattle baseball team that keeps repeatedly running over my festering heart with a cement truck.

We have here some good news, as ¹⁄₂ of the Diamond Dawgs had a 5 - 1 record last week. Unfortunately, that was preceded by a four game losing streak to Wazzu and the number one-ranked team in the country, Oregon State — though if there’s a silver-lining to the latter, it’s that this skid was preceded by the Huskies snapping the Beavs’ 23 game win streak.

Fortunately, the other half of the Diamond Dawgs (which is softball, if you haven’t been paying attention) currently have a winning streak going on that has lasted about two weeks, beating Oregon, University of Alabama at Birmingham, The University of Actual Alabama, and Cal in the process, with the opportunity to extend that another game against Seattle U later today. This leaves them with a record of 37 - 10 with just less than two weeks to play before NCAA Regionals begin on May 19th.

On to the tennis teams, where the men’s Pac 12 season is over after they lost on the first day of the Pac 12 tournament to Utah by a score of 1 - 4. The eventual winner of the men’s tournament would end up as USC over UCLA, a game which I accidentally witnessed because nothing else was on TV. The men finished the regular season with a record above .500 but they struggled in conference matchups, going 1 - 6.

The women finished their regular season higher, finishing even in conference matches and overall with a record of 17 - 9. They made it one round farther than the men in the Pac 12 Championships, beating Colorado and then getting eliminated by Cal. Luckily, both the men and women were selected to advance to the NCAA tournament.

Meanwhile, the beach volleyball team spent the end of last week at the Pac 12 Championships. They started off with a loss to UCLA, with their run eventually being ended by USC. However, bookended by the losses to the LA schools was a four-match winning streak — including a win over Oregon and three consecutive upsets of Cal, Arizona State, and Arizona. Plus, all four of these games were played within a 20-hour period in Tucson, where it was approximately a bajillion degrees out.

Almost lastly, the 2016 National Champions Women’s Golf Which Is Their Official Team Name were selected for NCAA Regionals in Albuquerque on May 8 - 10.

And actually lastly, I bring you rowing because duh, how could I not. But also because if I didn’t you would all murder me in some frighteningly creative way probably involving many rusty spoons, Cheez Whiz™ ^{or (c) or whatever} and a ferret rodeo, the latter of which being something I just made up but which would no doubt be terrifying.

Anyways, two weekends ago was the 106th annual Cal-UW dual regatta. Can you believe that? One hundred and six years of Washington mostly beating Cal — and yes, sometimes even losing, which they occasionally will do on purpose as an act of charity for the poor Golden Bears. To put that in perspective: at the first Washington-Cal meetup The Pound’s resident knower of random things/’croot tweeter-atter, OWW, was a sprightly college sophomore.

Unfortunately, this year was scheduled for Washington to be nice and let Cal win in both the men’s and women’s V8+ races. The men’s V8+ lost by less than two seconds while the women’s V8+ was around eight seconds behind their California counterparts.

Then the women’s 2V8+ avenged their elders with an eight second victory and the men’s 2V8+ won a much closer race. The men’s third and fourth varsity eight both beat Cal’s 3V8+, while the women’s varsity four beat Cal by about seven seconds.

Overall, pretty even.

Oh.

But wait.

There’s more.

There’s more and it’s great.

So great.

(Unless you’re not into what I’m about to bring up in which case I’m pretty sure you’re not allowed to be a person on this site.)

But otherwise it’s great.

That’s right.

THE WINDERMERE CUP IS SATURDAY I REPEAT THE WINDERMERE CUP IS SATURDAY EVERYONE DROP EVERYTHING UNLESS IT’S ICE CREAM OR A SMALL CHILD OR A VERY BREAKABLE VASE OR EVEN A MODERATELY BREAKABLE VASE AND FREAK OUT ABOUT THE WINDERMERE CUP. Alright cool sorry about that, I get overexcited sometimes.

And since, for the first time in a decade, I cannot attend, I suggest all of you fine human beings go to the Windermere Cup 2K17 in my place and watch the Dawgs beat China. (Like not even the Chinese National V8+, just the whole country. It’s getting wild this year.)

Surprise CoopWatch

You: But Gabey, you only did CoopWatch during the football season and it’s not football season so why are you doing this?

Me, an intellectual sick of your shit: Stop questioning my methods, peasant. I will keep you updated on the life journey of Our Holy Anointed Archduke Sir Deontae Cooper CBE MD OBGYN S/V Th.D if I feel like it. And today I feel like it, because in the wake of Clusterf&%^ 2K17 the 2017 NFL Draft, we can happily report that Coop was picked up as a UDFA by the artist soon-to-be formerly-known-as the Oakland Raiders.

Snaps for Coop, everyone, snaps for Coop.

Line of the Week

We have here an exclusive look into the Washington boathouse, where coaches Callahan and Farooq are giving motivational speeches to their teams ahead of this weekend’s races:

Do good things, don’t do bad things, and bow down to Washington.