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Stuff and Shenanigans: Oregon State is so not Fetch

You call yourself an environmentalist, why don’t you go club a few beavers? ~Lindsay “I care deeply about nature” Fünke

NCAA Football: Washington at Oregon State Jaime Valdez-USA TODAY Sports

Hi friends.

Happy October 3rd.

In honor of it being October 3rd, I apologize in advance for pigeon-holing too many Mean Girls references in here especially given that a venn diagram of “People who read this site" and “People who are literate in post-Reagan era pop culture” doesn’t even overlap.

On we go:

A 92% Sober and 100% Accurate Rundown of Absolutely Everything

Unlike against Colorado, I never felt Washington’s win-probability was any less than the loss-probability of a foreign army invading Russia in the winter. Even when the Dawgs were only up by seven and had just punted, like, sixteen bajillion times in a row in the first half, it was still the antithesis of stressful. I don’t know if Oregon State fans felt it too, but, as frustrating as a halftime score of 7-0 was, the first half more or less felt like it was just delaying the inevitable beatdown.

Indeed it was.

That being said, if the Huskies’ attempts to finish drives are as futile against Utah or UCLA or Stanford or Wazzu as they were in the first half against the Oregon State Flippin’ Beavers... Christ it won’t be fun.

Where the offense is concerned, I love watching Jake Browning use his legs. This is more because it looks like something outside of his realm of capability than anything else, but also because it does give the offense a bit of an edge when other dimensions aren’t working out. Also I swear I can’t go two weeks without giggling at how much of a non-athlete-looking dude Browning is, and for that I apologize. (At least until next week, when I’ll be all over it again.)

Which brings us to the offensive line. For one, their run blocking — especially in power — has gone from, in week one, “Boo, you whore”-level to “You go Glen Coco”-level.

Still though, they look merely okay at pass blocking: not bad enough for us to harp on them and call all the interior guys mean words that were banned from your first grade class, but also not good enough to feel completely secure. Meh, whatcha gonna do about it.

On the other side of the line, we had some good news.

Remember weeks one to three where all were running around shrieking about the pass rush like the American public hearing Orson Welles’ War of the Worlds for the first time? And then remember how last week we were all like “Oh wait are they kinda good now?”

Well, as of this Saturday, we can tentatively conclude that yes, the pass rush is kinda good now.

Even though they still have a long way to go in that area, it feels good seeing a now consistent trajectory of improvement, especially since we know Bartlett, Potoa’e, Onwuzurike, etc., have quite a high ceiling, while Ryan Bowman has given us plenty evidence in conference play as to why he broke into the two-deep.

The only thing more fun than watching your team kick ass is watching your team visibly improve at said ass-kicking. The pass rush so far looks like our best example of that. (Seriously, if you’re ever feeling down, think back to Rutgers and recall how butt the pass rush was. Then remember how they’re looking up now. Boom! Now you’re feeling better!)

This line is just here as a reminder that the depth in Washington’s secondary is just mean to opponents. God I love it. I love it so much. If you too want to feel great about things, go to Click on Sports. Click on Football. Click on Roster. Click on Sort by Position. Now scroll through the DBs and count how many cornerbacks would be starting on any other team. Feels pretty good, right? Damn straight it does.

Lastly, I love that Ben Burr-Kirven looks to be on his way to proving me wrong. He still has a long way to go — plus is playing with the disadvantage of being smaller and with shorter arms — but he seems like he’s been out of position less in the last couple weeks while also going to the ballcarrier instead of letting the ballcarrier come to him, for lack of better words.

Lastly, lastly, let’s freak the heck out about kicking.

I don’t have anything to elaborate on there. Just, everybody, freak out now.

Line of the Week

Washington fans, collectively, trying to summon divine intervention to save the Huskies’ field goal unit:

Do good things, don’t do bad things, and bow down to Washington.

Oh, and happy October 3rd.