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Stuff and Shenanigans: Elephant(s) in the Room

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Because Alabama’s mascot is an elephant and they were on the field, which is kind of like an outside-y room for playing football, get it?

NCAA Football: Chick-fil-A Peach Bowl-Alabama vs Washington
“The most important thing is that both teams have fun,” yells Nick Saban.
John David Mercer-USA TODAY Sports

I’m gonna level with you all. Half the reason why I’m sad Washington didn’t win is because I had such a killer Alabama-related pun for the title of this piece. I won’t say what it would have been, though, because it was so good and I want to save it for the next time Washington plays Alabama because obviously that’ll happen, like, every year from now until Nick Saban and Chris Petersen retire/die/whichever comes first. And of course, eventually Washington has to beat them, so—it was “Tide Turning!” How is that not the best opponent-related pun title since this, which I think probably wasn’t even that good but I was just so proud of at the time anyway?

Sorry about that. I get a bit too excited, sometimes.

Let’s get to it.

A 100% Accurate and 83% Sober History of Absolutely Everything

First off, for anyone who’s mourning especially hard, may I suggest the following perspective brought to us by the ever-full-of-wisdom Christian Caple:

Remember, girls and boys: Washington’s still getting where it’s going. Alabama’s as there as you can get. Hopefully that helps your grieving process accelerate.

But what we learned from Saturday?

Well, for one, it was a reminder that recruiting matters. Now the last time I said this—ya know, in a reflection on the Huskies’ one other loss which also happened to be to another recruiting powerhouse programI was met by a handful of angry Internet commenters who seemed to think that using data and rational deductions meant I was whining excuses, like I’m the coach telling these kids not to play above the evaluation applied to them when they were 16. That’s okay, though, because as far as I could tell these responses were all from grumpy old men who will be dead soon.

And by the way, I said recruiting matters. I did not say it’s the most important thing. Never have I ever said, nor would ever say that. Against Alabama, the Huskies outplayed the performances of many SEC teams with way higher recruiting classes from the last five years.

Of the SEC teams on Bama’s schedule this year, every program averaged a higher recruiting ranking than Washington from 2016 to 2012. (Except Kentucky, but nobody cares about them.) This includes Florida, who gave up 54 points and averaged a 9.8th-ranked recruiting class. Also, Auburn (8.8), TAMU (11.8), Tennessee (13.8), and LSU (6.2). To put it in perspective, the team with the closest average to Washington (26.8), Mississippi State at 25.6, lost by a score of 50-3. So yeah. The Dawgs are just getting started.

Which is to say, let’s get stoked for the future.

What else did we learn?

In case there was any doubt about this, Kevin King on Saturday quietly embodied everything about OKGing, which is absolutely a verb. If you try to tell me that, under Sark, a 190-pound cornerback would be in the middle of so many run stops and other physical clusterf@&#s with guys twice his size, I will tell you now that you’re so high it’s stupid.

We also were given a reminder that sometimes a QB needs to be able to put some zip on it. I love Jake Browning and would take his brain over anyone else’s brawn 10 times out of 10, but as with USC, I think Bama was a reminder that against the best athletes and speediest defenses, you need both.

But look on the bright side: once he pumps up, that combination of smart and slippery and strong is gonna kiiiiiill.

Lastly, not even as a chick but as a pure admirer of football craziness, I have to say that if you’re not in love with—or at least in awe of—Bo Scarbrough, you have something wrong with you. Let’s be real, his triceps alone could probably take out ISIS. You gotta respect that.

Line of the Week

For the second game in a row, I’m breaking my own rule of “There is only one line of the week!” This is because this series is not a democracy, but rather the premier Husky-related autocratic* column on the Internet. As the ruler thereof, I also made the rule that I can break the above rule.

*Rumors have on occasion surfaced that Stuff and Shenanigans is actually a capracracy. These are unfounded. Don’t look into them further.

With the above in mind, I present the line(s) of the week...

To Alabama, for crushing my withered heart on Saturday:

And to any Husky fan reading this (especially the weirdos who kept coming back every week):

If it’s not night when you read that...I dunno, just pretend or whatever. Oh yeah, and the other rule about “First person to say ‘SNL was better when...’ gets a hockey stick to the face” still stands.

Anyways, see you guys back here for kickoff 2017 in Piscataway, New Jersey!

Do good things, don’t do bad things, and bow down to Washington.