An Eag, a Coug, and a Husky walk into a room and then proceed to do nothing all day but watch football.
Two-thirds of that room ended the day happy. And it is under those circumstances that I watched Rutgers get dismantled by Washington, who apparently missed the memo that this was indeed a football game and not a recreation of the slaughter at Teutoburg Forest.
In other words, welcome to the first episode of Stuff and Shenanigans — the column for people bored of redundant post-Saturday CFB cliches by ex-jocks stating the obvious, but who still have nothing better to do than read the garbage that Chris and Ryan let me publish.
Obviously everybody saw Washington’s victory on Saturday, but for anybody who needs a refresher, I give thee the following:
A 100% Accurate and 50% Sober History of Absolutely Everything
Week one. The week we’ve been waiting for for so very long. This week started off with some unwise Rutgers fans over at On The Banks saying - and I quote, "A 4.25 40 yard dash is impossible" and "Usain Bolt doesn’t even run a 4.25." Besides the fact that the latter is just plain false, John Ross made sure to personally disprove that theory. And then do it again. And then do it again. And then probably do it again, were it not for Chris Petersen subbing out the starters.
I was just in the middle of saying "How fun would it be if Ross returned this for a -- oh wait."— UW Dawg Pound (@UWonSBN) September 3, 2016
Along a related line, Jake Browning decided that the season opener was as good a day as any to make anyone who ever criticized his deep ball look like a fool. And then do it again. And again. And then probably do it again, were it not for Chris Petersen subbing out the starters.
Are you sensing a theme?
Although dumping all over a lower-level B1G team isn’t in itself that much of an accomplishment, the Dawgs were positively glorious when compared to some other showings across the Pac. (I’m looking at you, Josh Rosen’s decisionmaking.) (Also you, Wazzu.)
I can’t help but feel that Rutgers’ press coverage did them no favors, considering that all three of Browning’s touchdown passes were the bombs that he was pretty trash at last year. Speaking of, who predicted that a week ago? Jeez, whoever it was must be really great and good and kind of a genius. And humble.
On that note, my favorite take away was that after the game, Petersen (or somebody; who cares about accurately citing sources?) said that on Ross’ touchdown catch down the middle, Everybody’s Favorite Bolt-Action Rifle noticed a mismatch and checked it from what was originally intended to be a run play — that mental acuity is what takes good teams from the realm of good to the lair of kickass.
It was then that Rutgers learned why defenses in the Pac-12 don’t tend towards the 4-3. And in the distant howling of the wind I thought ‘twas "Oregon," whose name came ringing out, but perhaps my ears doth deceive me...
Oh, and can people stop freaking out about the run game? It’s gonna be fine.
Line of the Week
What embodies Saturday’s game? Well...
~John Ross to the Rutgers secondary
Because nobody told Johnny that it’s impossible to run a 40 in 4.25 seconds.
But also, this is a close one (if technically unrelated to Saturday, still a universal truth):
Oh, and our Facebook page has, as of this afternoon, official passed 9,000 likes. Can we get a "Haaail yeah?"
And on that note...
Do good things, don’t do bad things, and bow down to Washington.