For me, this week began with a dream wherein Myles Gaskin and Jake Browning lost a fight with a grizzly bear in Leavenworth. Now, I know that is a ridiculous scenario. Grizzly bears don’t live that far southwest.
Though if that’s supposed to be some sort of premonition, I’m glad the Dawgs didn’t have to play Montana this weekend.
Then my Saturday started with proof God exists when, by some ridiculous miracle, I awoke non-hung over. And then it was kickoff.
A 100% Accurate and 29.4% Sober History of Absolutely Everything
The start of the game begged what was of course the most important question: “Do I like Idaho’s helmets?”
The second most important question was “Will Washington get something going over these guys with the helmets I don’t know if I like?” And I didn’t like having to ask that question. I’m not even comfortable giving Idaho credit for their potatoes, much less for their football team.
Because for real, Idaho during the first quarter was playing way better than the score indicated. They were gross close to a touchdown before fumbling it away and, at least at the beginning, had no trouble moving the ball downfield. I mean, our coverage was pretty conservative, but still.
And then Everyone’s Favorite Bolt Action Rifle decided enough was enough. I’m not sure exactly the number, but Browning had a period of at least 12 straight completions, after which I stopped counting because math is just so darn tough.
And then Gaskin had his first touchdown of the year!
And then I wondered, seriously, are Idaho’s uniforms class or ugly?
Back to Idaho’s offense, though; I looked up Aaron Duckworth’s stats and apparently he only had 31 yards. Maybe I was just hallucinating, confusing him with another player, or too busy trying to figure out my opinion on Idaho’s uniforms, but he seemed like he did way more damage than that. Maybe it was just this:
@ProDreams_1 lowers his shoulder delivers the boom to UW safety Brandon Beaver. That will leave a mark.— Josh Grissom (@GoshJrissom) September 10, 2016
Imposing your will on the Husky defense is such a rarity, I suppose we notice when an opponent does that. Well done, Señor Duckworth.
On the defensive side of the ball, seeing the line in action again made me realize something. That something is that Greg Gaines looks like if you took the face of a leprechaun (who is as swift as a coursing river), but then gave him the build of a buffalo (with all the force of a great typhoon), and the beard of a lumberjack (and all the strength of a raging fire). Oh, and with the destructiveness of a Spanish Armada cannon ball circa 1587 (who’s as mysterious as the dark side of the moon). That is Greg Freakin’ Gaines.
And the above paragraph is where we figure out who either was a child or had children when Mulan came out.
Lastly, the Dawgs continued tackling well in space. I wonder if that has anything to do with the fact that they’re utilizing theory from rugby tackling? Oh wait, I know the answer and the answer is yes.
And for those of you wondering if I’ll ever stop being smug and dogmatic about the superiority of rugby tackling, not a chance.
Now I know beating Idaho and Rutgers - no matter how convincingly - isn’t something to get too pumped about. But considering that Mississippi State lost to South Alabama, which is a school apparently, or that Georgia barely beat out Five Cents State by only two points, I’m glad to see Washington took the time out of their day to really, really wreck their first two opponents. Not without flaws, of course. But it was a better showing than plenty of favored teams.
Deontae Cooper ran for 100+ yards! Hip hip! Hoorah! Hip hip! Hoorah! Hip hip - okay, you get it.
Line of the Week
This upon Buck Cowan’s touchdown catch which scored Idaho’s first points late in the game. That was glorious. I’m not even mad.
And on that note...
Do good things, don’t do bad things, and bow down to Washington.