Anyone who claims industry and manufacturing jobs are dying out in this country clearly didn’t watch Friday’s game.
Because against Stanford Friday night the Huskies proved that the logging industry is indeed alive and well. Rimshot!
So besides the fact that I still haven’t been invited to be a narrator on Drunk History, I’m feeling pretty good, and you should too. At the end of last year I predicted a 10 win season somewhere over on Pacific Takes - then once the hype train got rolling and everyone was on the “If we don’t win a national championship RIGHT NOW everything will have been a failure and I’ll have another existential crisis, divorce my second wife, and buy a Maserati” track I got scared of the repercussions and wrote a thing here about how we should all calm the eff down and just enjoy the process of watching this team get better.
Not that we can’t enjoy the results as well. Because holy $^#@&$%*! did I ever enjoy that slaughter.
More on that right...... Wait for it.... Wait for it.... NOW:
A 100% Accurate and 93% Sober History of Absolutely Everything
For everyone who’s been complaining about the lack of edge rush, this was for you.
Not only did Psalm Wooching have his best performance yet, but it looked like he may have briefly confused “playing football” with “attempting to murder Ryan Burns.” And if you listen to his interviews after the victory, he’s the man. Seriously, go google “psalm wooching post-game interview stanford decimation destruction death seriously poor poor cardinal they must be feeling awful right now,” and it’s immediately apparent what an OKG this guy is. Also, you may have to modify that search term slightly.
As was covered in Landon’s Husky Game Awards, there really wasn’t an apparent weakness, save Van Winkle’s botched extra point. The offensive line finally seemed to really click, and the few plays in which they were found wanting gave Everybody’s Favorite Bolt-Action Rifle an opportunity to show off his pocket awareness and mobility, on display in his back-of-the-endzone touchdown pass to Dante Pettis.
Furthermore, EFBAR’s anticipation has elevated his receivers and this whole offense and that was perfectly depicted Friday. Who needs “a cannon for an arm” when you have Browning’s mental ass-kickage?
Speaking of, I love this picture:
If that doesn’t give you some major “Aw man family is the best” feelings, you’re a monster. A monster I say.
Compare that to my dad and I during the game, whose texting interactions weren’t quite so cute:
DAD: Wishing! Love his war paint!
DAD: Wooshing. Damn autocorrect.
ME: Wooching is a badman.
DAD: Husky touchdown siren.
DAD: Wooching is a bone crusher.
Okay, Brownings. You win this time.
Meanwhile, Christian McCaffrey is still terrifying even when he’s severely limited. The “McCaffrey is overrated” camp clearly don’t watch how he moves when given the ball. Not to get into social politics, but I’ve never seen a white boy with such spatial awareness.
And that makes it all-the-more impressive that the Huskies were able to crush him; there’s nothing more dangerous than someone who knows when to slow down, when to stutter, when to stop, when to pin their ears back and haul ass, how the space around them is shifting and how to utilize that.
In the end, I think the most important thing we learned Friday was to always go with your gut and predict 49-0. Either that, or that I’m just too much of a coward to make any sort of grown-up prediction and just happened to be lucky.
And now to everybody’s favorite type of Shenanigan:
In spite of the Spartans’ 41-48 loss against New Mexico, Deontae Cooper had himself quite the game; he had two touchdowns — one on a two yard rush and one on a reception in the flat that he took 45 yards for a score — and had 78 total yards. San Jose State wasn’t able to come away with a win but it’s hard to blame Coop for that given his contributions.
Line of the Week
This week we’ll be breaking the rules and doing multiple lines-of-the-week because after what happened Friday, it’s impossible to limit ourselves to just one.
Although it ended at -3 o’clock AM EST, Stanford vs. Washington earlier on drew in some casual observers from The Back East or The Down South. Here’s them tuning in to see those hooligans Out West:
Hint: The flaming wreckage is Stanford.
And then there were the Husky fans. Also the Stanford fans, but feeling very different emotions, just with the same look on their face:
Okay, now onto the third quarter. Let’s check back in on Stanford:
Well sheesh, look at that.
All those in favor of putting Stanford out of their misery Friday night:
Unfortunately for ‘Furd, you still have to keep playing even after it would be more humane to just get it over with.
As such, David Shaw had to come to terms with the Nerds’ fate:
Damage control. Good move.
And, finally, this game being Jen Cohen and Chris Petersen’s mic drop to the country:
To anyone who actually sat through that whole thing, congratulations — you are a trooper. I’m setting the over/under for “amount of comments asking ‘why write this crap?’” (which was verbatim something I saw last week - I imagine written by a grumpy old man disappointed in his life decisions) at three. Place your bets!
Lastly, I’ve had a few requests for where to follow me on twitter, etc. The issue here is that I do not have twitter because I’m lazy and having yet another social media thing is way too much effort.
That said, I’ve decided that if UW breaks the streak this weekend, I too will have to break my streak of telling twitter to go f*$% itself and go ahead and make an account. So if you’re one of those people who’s brought that up, stay tuned and let Hate Week begin!
And most importantly...
Do good things, don’t do bad things, and bow down to Washington.