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Stuff and Shenanigans: Ducks Hunted

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And on the 8th day, order was restored.

Washington v Oregon Photo by Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images

Fire Smith, indeed.

Until Everybody’s Favorite Bolt-Action Rifle decimated the Oregon defense Saturday, the last time we had won I was young enough to not even realize that Casey Paus’ surfer boy golden locks were totally crush-worthy. Which they absolutely were, by the way.

And then twelve years happened, blah blah blah, and now we’re here.

How perfect that it was, according to tradition, 49-0. Or 70-21. Same difference. (Who’da thunk we’d get to math jokes this early in the week?)

Which brings us to...

A 100% Accurate and 58% Sober History of Absolutely Everything

I had the good fortune of being home in Wurshington with the family this Saturday (thank you, Canadian long weekend). In layman’s terms, that means a bunch of manic, Oregon-hating Norwegians got together to flip off the TV every time the Ducks showed up on screen. Luckily for all of us, that wasn’t too frequent.

After Saturday night, Oregon DC Brady Hoke had this to say to The Eugene Register-Guard: “It’s always tough when there’s 70 points up there.”

Uh, really?

It’s “always” tough when the other team scores 70 points? Tell me, Mr. Hoke — how often have you had an opposing team score 70 points on you to the point where that’s a familiar circumstance? He makes it sound like that’s a casual occurrence in college football when one gives up 70. “Always tough” is losing a close game in the final moments or getting beaten at the line of scrimmage or waking up Monday morning realizing you should have done laundry yesterday.

“Always tough” is not what the Huskies did to Oregon.

To borrow words from Nick Saban, “ass chewing” might be more accurate. If Washington had been playing anyone else I frankly would have gotten bored. But the thing is that we weren’t playing anyone else, so it was the most entertaining thing I’ve seen maybe ever.

I know in this thing I’m supposed to offer up at least a bit of analysis to go along with the shenanigans, but can someone tell me where to begin? There’s really no insight anyone including myself can provide. Do I say our offensive line wrecked whatever is left of Oregon’s d-line? Duh. Do I say our defense showed off their speed, discipline, and focus on fundamentals? Duh. And what is there to say about Jake Browning? To again borrow words from someone much more successful than I am, “How do I begin to explain Jake Browning. Jake Browning is flawless. I hear he does car commercials. In Japan. One time he punched me in the face...it was awesome.”

Actually now that I think about it, that’s a good place to start. Let’s talk about Jake Browning.

Let’s talk about that little nerd.

That dorky little nerd. That dorky little nerd whose dorky nerdiness is what makes him such a kickass quarterback.

When a ubiquitous problem for college teams is a quarterback with such great physical tools that he’s neglected everything else, it’s refreshing having one who on first glance looks to have almost no physical tools but is such a nerd that he outsmarts any physical deficits. I’ve touched on this before, referring to him as “an 8th grade bassoon player [rather] than an FBS athlete.”

Of course, as UW fans we know that almost insulting description isn’t true. Browning is a better athlete than he gets credit for. He’s deceptively mobile when he needs to be, but still wouldn’t once in a thousand instances be confused for Ashton Eaton or Waisale Serevi. That kid is so much more of a weapon than the biggest cannon-arm or the speediest dual-threat because he’s such a football nerd and living proof that brain beats brawn.

I suppose it’s best summed up by my dad: “I think Browning’s best characteristics are his intelligence and lack of facial hair.”

It’s not too much of a stretch to attribute Washington’s new offensive opportunism to that. The lack of facial hair, I mean.

Then on the defensive side of things — for all the athleticism and disciplined execution of schemes — can we just appreciate how solidly our Dawgs practice the most basic fundamental? Because at the end of the day it comes down to tackling, and we’re good at that. And I remember under Gilby and He Who Must Not Be Named how bad the tackling was. So bad. So very bad. Even as a little kid I remember thinking, “Wow, they need to stop being so bad at tackling.”

If there’s one silver lining for Oregon it’s that Justin Herbert looks like he could be legit. I’m gonna write it down now: in a year or two, should Oregon get their other pieces in place, that kid should end up someone we don’t want to face.

Otherwise it was all Huskies.

CoopWatch

Now on to the real reason you’re here: checking in on Deontae Cooper. Unfortunately Saturday was not a good day for San Jose State, who lost to Hawaii 34-17. It’s not every day that someone loses to Hawaii. Though there have been three days in 2016 where that was the case, actually. Former Husky Coop didn’t get much of a chance to shine, only getting seven rushing attempts worth a net of 30 yards and averaging 4.3 yards per rush. Alas.

Line of the Week

Washington fans:

Oregon fans:

Do good things, don’t do bad things, and bow down to Washington.