16,152 is a big number.
Let's put it this way: if you were in your bathroom standing over your sink and brushing your teeth only to notice a single spider come crawling over the counter, you'd likely smash him with your fist. If 16,152 spiders came rushing across the same counter, most likely you'd bolt straight out of that bathroom screaming like a frightened school girl as your toothpaste foam redecorated your cabinets.
If you climbed 16,152 feet, you'd be 2,000 feet higher than the top of Mount Rainier. If you had 16,152 beers, you'd be a very popular tailgater. If you had 16,152 chickens, you'd have a whole lot of chickens. If you had 16,152 Ducks, you'd have a whole lot of Duck stew to share with the starving people in your community.
If you placed $500 on a single roulette number bet in between while you wait for your free Coor's Light at Bally's, you'd walk away with $16,152 (hey - you should always tip the staff!). If you were a degenerate like Lear Pilot and had $16, 152 at a roulette table in Vegas, you'd get a full night of fun in the casino. If you are anybody else and had $16.152 in Vegas, you'd get a full night of fun outside of the Casino. Either way, if you had $16,152, odds are you aren't eating Campbell's soup tonight.
Anyway, you get my drift. 16,152 is a lot of whatever.
In my UWDP career, I've posted 16,152 comments to various posts and articles that have been placed in the annals of this website. As I pondered the significance of that metric, three things rushed into my mind. The first was that every single one of those 16,152 comments have been posted in the midst of the losing streak to Oreogn. The second being that I desperately need to get a life. The third being that I do not believe that I'm anywhere close to being the most active commenter in this community.
Most of you don't realize that the UWDP is one of the fastest growing CFB properties on the SB Nation network. One metric that the mother ship uses to measure blog engagement levels is user comments. In the first two weeks of August, UWDP posters made 2,121 comments. That's twice the number of comments posted over at Bruins Nation - SBNation's busiest P12 site - and right about the same as Addicted to Quack (which, as you all know, inflate their comment numbers with excessive utilization of GIFs and "Huck the Fuskies" epithets). And we haven't seen anything yet. With football season just around the corner, we expect to blow away all of our old records for site visits and comments over each of the next three months.
This leads me to today's poll question. Many of you have become "regulars" on this site and have established your niche in our community. Whether we are talking about the JoeinFW's practicality vs UWDadVanc's pedantry, HH's awesomeness vs OWW's auto-correct, Backspin's crabbiness vs Crazi's craziness, or Darin's jibs vs Brad's jabs, there are a lot of potential bust-out candidates when it comes to claiming the Crown of Commentary.
So, who is it going to be? Which one among you will lead the league in blog comments during the 2015 UW Football season? I submit to you my well-thought out and highly scientific pre-season watch list.
Option 1: GliderDawg
You all recognize GliderDawg as the one guy in the UWDP who has says the most with the least to stay. Just a week removed from his 5-year anniversary with the blog, Glider has already amassed nearly 4,600 career comments. He's like the Miller Lite of the UWDP: Less filling, tastes great. You can consume his comments by the dozens and never walk away feeling punch drunk.
While he may not be the most technical or dialed-in 'Pound member, he has mastered the art of the quick quip. By employing his clever use of italicized texts, Glider is able to deftly participate in just about any subthread even when the level of discussion far exceeds his capacity to fully comprehend. Witty and prompt, Glider's unique attributes make him a natural contender for the title of Comments King in 2015.
Option 2: Bigg Eazy
If this were a contest that counted comments and modifed that total based on verbosity of each comment, Bigg Eazy might be the hands down winner. Bigg Eazy is a relative new comer to the UWDP community having just celebrated his one-year anniversary with the 'Pound. The Bigg E is an easy member to spot given his proclivity for logging in at strange hours and leaving long responses.
He's kind of like the Easter Bunny (Bigg Eazy ... Easter Bunny / B.E ... E.B? Weird). Every morning when I wake up and I'm perusing fresh comments to the previous day's posts, I see a trail of sweets laid out by the Bigg Eazy for me to consume with my morning coffee. He's that good.
Option 3: Tomahawk18
Many will raise an eyebrow at this upset pick. But Tomahawk has quietly put together quite the impressive UWDP resume. Not only has he distinguished himself with insightful if occasionally acerbic commentary, but he's put together a 5-year track record and amassed 1,286 banked comments.
Could this be Tomahawk's breakout year? With his Boise roots, odds are pretty good that he might double his career production in a single opening night game thread. But will it be enough to endure over the entirety of the season? We shall see.
Other's Considered (reason for missing the cut):
costaricadawg (unreliable Internet service wherever he may be)
Drew Loveland (recruiting class is already mostly full)
Husky57 (he is less about volume and more about quality)
GlendaleDawg (too busy playing golf in the beautiful Arizona fall)
BackspinDawg (ditto x2)
Grad and Dad (he'll be too busy looking for the light)
BigDave967 (he'll be too busy testing out his aching knees)
GeddyT (he's distracted writing his missive "20k Words to Describe the Wonder of Paint Drying")
SnohoRick (he's from Snohomish)
JuneauTom (he's from Juneau)
WolfintheFold (too busy rallying the New Mexcio chapter of the Dawg Pound)
OsidePup (this may have been an oversight on my part)
BoiseBanker (a market crash is coming)
grnpaHusky (it's takes a lot of time to chase down the neighbor's poodle and shake your walking stick at him everyday)
FB-2 (still drafting his list of expectations that likely won't get met this season)
The Cassino (no response yet from the APB)
DaDutDaDaDaDaaaa (I haven't figured out how to say his name yet)
PPilot (he'll be too busy with the QB controversy at ATQ)
Old Ducker (we banned his ass for life)
I almost had to go with the upset pick in Tomohawk18 simply based on the insurmountable lead that he could post in Week 1 alone. However, the race for Commander of the Commentary is a marathon and not a sprint. Glider's style of interjecting short messages in the middle of a subthread is brilliant when it comes to sustaining his commenting endurance. In addition, his gecko-like ability to blend into any conversation with a clever anecdotes that make sense to only him ensures that there are few - if any - subthreads that he will be locked out of in the season ahead.
I like GliderDawg in 2015.