The usual nonsense

One Liners

Q: Why are they planning to resurface the playing field at Autzen Stadium with cardboard?

A: Because the Ducks always play better on paper!

Q: What is the difference between an Oregon fan and a three-week-old puppy?

A: Eventually the puppy will stop whining.

Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with an Oregon graduate?

A: Nothing. There are some things a pig just won't do.

Q: Why was O.J. Simpson trying to escape to Eugene, Oregon?

A: Police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there.

Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Eugene?

A: Seattle: 283 Miles

Q: If you see an Oregon fan on a bike, why should you not swerve to hit him?

A: It could be your bike.

Q: You're trapped in a room with an angry grizzly bear, a hungry Lion, and an Oregon Duck fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?

A: Shoot the Oregon Duck fan... twice.

A : What do you get when you drag a $1,000 bill through a housing project?

Q: An Oregon football signee.

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A man is sitting at a park bench when beautiful woman sits next to him and they engage in conversation. Shortly after, the woman says, "So, I bet you're a Oregon fan." The man says enthusiastically, "Why yes I am. How did you know? My intelligence? My wit? My good looks?" The beautiful woman says, "No. I saw your class ring when you were picking your nose."

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Coaches Chip Kelly and Steve Sarkisian are walking down the beach talking about the rivalry between Oregon and Washington. As they are walking, Sark trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie's lamp. "Who disturbs me?" asked the genie. Chip and Sark both say they did. "You will each get one wish," said the genie. Chip offers to go first. "I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Oregon so that none of those stupid Washingtonian's can ever get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace!" The genie grants the wish to Chip and he is instantly whisked away to his new paradise. The genie now tells Sark he'll grant him one wish. Sark says, "Fill it with water." 

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A Washington fan was driving down a desolate road late one night and gets into a collision with an Oregon fan driving in the opposite direction. Both cars are totaled but amazingly, both men survive. The Husky fan looks at the Duck fan and says, "You know, we should both be dead. I think this is God's way of saying that we should put our petty differences aside and be friends." The Oregon fan agrees.

The Washington fan then pops open his trunk and says, "Look at this bottle of Jack Daniels. Not even broken. I think this is another sign God wants us to get along." The Oregon fan agrees and says, "Lets have a toast," and starts chugging the whiskey. The Oregon fan drinks half the bottle and says to the Husky fan, "Ok, your turn buddy," and offers the bottle back to him. The Husky fan says, "No thanks. I'll just wait for the cops to show up."

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The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day they fell in a deep, dark ravine. Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, "The Oregon Ducks are Rose Bowl contenders."

Snow White thought to herself, "Thank God... at least Dopey's survived!"

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One day in an elementary school in Portland a teacher asks her class if the Oregon Ducks are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.

The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"

Little Jimmy says, "The Washington Huskies "

The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Husky fan, my mom is a Husky fan, I guess that makes me a Husky fan."

The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"

Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me an Oregon fan."