FanPost

FEATURED FANPOST - A DawgFan's Call to Arms!

AN OPEN LETTER TO THE UW FOOTBALL TEAM, ALUMNI & STUDENT BODY

Me

Dude, I'm liking our "D"!

Alumni #2

Yeah, we looked decent against Cal, so we're 5-1. We'll be 5-2 after this weekend then I think we have ASU at home to hopefully go 6-2 and become bowl eligible.

Wait…what? What did he just say? As I take a moment to marinate on what was just said, I pause to get my bearings and ask myself, "where am I...in some parallel universe? Is this Narnia? When have we ever counted on our team LOSING! Has it really gotten this pathetic?" ATTENTION: The d*cks are not some scary dragon that needs to be slayed! They have been exposed as a decent group with speed who's lines can be pushed around. They are not some juggernaut they are a collection of college age prima donnas they are not a team and I promise you if we show up as a team and punch them in the mouth from the first bell, they will fold. ATTENTION: Autzen Stadium is not some scary football cathedral dripping with history! It is a sh*tbox in the middle of nowhere! And when their team gets down they get scared and clam up because they remember what losers they were for 80 years and they never want to go back to that! You are not up against some immovable object your playing football against the d*cks..that's it. Gang tackle on every play! Stay in your lanes! Stick to your assignments, control the ROCK and t.o.p! Leave everything on the field and win the game! It's not rocket science.

As an alumni I feel the current team & student body is lacking identity. Attending this institution in the early '90s was a dream. We would roll ten rows deep and tipsy down to the stadium for every home game. Three of my four years there we went to the Rose Bowl! Nobody messed with us and nobody messed with UW! We would prepare for battle by summoning the spirits of champions past like McElhenny, Sixkiller & Moon through pre game rituals and tequila shots. After all, we were living in the time of the Dawgfather, Alice in Chains, Mother Love Bone, PEARL JAM (saw both live at Lox Stock n' Bagel), SoundGarden, Sweetwater, Mudhoney, Crazy 8's, Temple of the Dog & Nirvana…anything and everything was possible! Saturday game pre-functions were continuations of Friday night party's including shots in the chapter room followed by breakfast & tap hits with talent by the pool until gametime!(yes we still had kegs back then) Like our SUPER BOWL CHAMPION SEAHAWKS of 2014, UW ruled the college football landscape in the early '90s with names like James, Pinkle, Gilby, Lambright, Emtman, Hall, Farr, Cunningham, Malamala, Pierce, McKay, Bailey, Jones, Rockwell & Hudson, (I see you cats!) Rongen, Collins, Fraley, Kennedy, Brunell, Bruener, Hobert, Kaufmen, Fields, Turner, Pierson, Bjornson, Garcia, Peterson, Conwell, Bryant, Neal, Hoffman and Shane Palkoa…WE EXPECTED TO WIN EVERY GAME AND SCARED THE SH*T OUT OF OUR OPPONENTS!

WHY IS THIS IMPORTANT YOU ASK?

It has come to my attention the the *ucks are planning a reunion of sorts, let me explain. During the 1994 season, a joke of an opponent and perennial laughing stalk of the (PAC 8,10 and now 12) *regon *ucks got lucky against our beloved DAWGZ when a kid name Kenny, not unlike his character on "Eastbound & Down" carried a pick-6 to the end zone to win the game. D*ck football historians (basically any drunk, fat ,unemployed *uck fan in a bar) will tell anyone within earshot that this pick six was the galvanizing moment when their program turned around. That was 20 years ago this month and to commemorate this they're going to wear 20 year old throwback jerseys this weekend in Peukgene. I say, enough is enough!

READ MY LIPS: THE D*CKS ARE OUR TRUE RIVAL…FOR US, THIS IS BIGGER THAN MICHIGAN/OSU!

CURRENT STUDENT BODY: It's not your fault because the chord was cut for you. We hate the d*cks more than wazzu, period end of story! Learn it, breath it, live it! "Feel the shift in the force"- D. Vader

CURRENT & PAST ADMINISTRATIONS: Shame on you for hiring outside the family starting with Babs! You've allowed our end of the rivalry to damn near die! A two year losing streak to anyone was unimaginable in my day, let alone a ten year drought to the d*cks! And while we're at it KILL THE NIKE JERSEY DEAL! I don't care how much money they throw at us! We are lining their pockets and thus helping Nike U! Where is your pride!

HELLO! CALLING ALL DAWGZ, WE'RE AT BATTLE WITH EUGENE!

Coaches & Players

WE HAVE YOUR BACK!

BUT DO US ALL A FAVOR…LEAD, FOLLOW OR GET OUT OF THE WAY BECAUSE AN ARMY OF UNWAVERING FANS LOVE THIS TEAM. MAKE US PROUD AND GIVE US SOMETHING TO CHEER ABOUT AND WATCH WHAT HAPPENS WHEN LIGHTENING STRIKES TWICE! WE HAVE AS MUCH TALENT ON THIS TEAM AS WE DID ON THOSE EARLY '90S TEAMS! DON'T WASTE IT!

A student body's guide to surviving Eugene:

1) "We went in sloppy and we came out sloppy" - Beast ala Mode Eugene Unit. Drunk Tank,10/22 12:31am,1993.

2) Trust No One!

3) Don't be alarmed if at first you feel like you've stumbled upon the set of a zombie flick! The backwoods mutants that currently roam the streets of Eugene and Springfield which I believe is where the "Simpsons" cartoon is based will panhandle any non public transportation for loose change! Everyone there wears camo & Canadian tuxedos!

4) Feel free to walk on at Eugene C.C….it's a short course and ghetto but not bad for the price. Just promise me if you run into "Mayonnaise legs Mariota" that you hit into their foursome.

5) Boil your water.

6) AFTER WE WIN!, go out to every bar you can find in that rest stop of a town and sing "Louie Louie oh baby, we gotta go "Rose Bowl!" at the Karaoke bar.

7) Burn your sheets.

8) Lock up your valuables, including your women…WE'RE TALKIN' HATFIELD & McCOY's TYPE SH*T! EXTRA POINTS IF YOU KIDNAP A *UCK CHEERLEADER TO GET RE-PROGRAMMED BACK AT HOME!

9) If anyone hassle's you, tell them you know "The Breeze." If that doesn't work acknowledge that their cheerleaders are smoking'…other than that square up & handle your business SON!

10) REMEMBER who we are and what we represent! As alumni we understand many years have past since our memories were reality. However, we give you this letter as a GIFT to reignite the mighty flame that burns in our hearts for Husky Nation. An army of alumni have your backs! Our memories include living in the epicenter of the sports, music and entertainment world in '90-'92 and it was magical. We only wish you all get to experience something similar during your time there, which brings me to the reason for writing this letter. The d*cks are good this year but WE ARE BETTER! I get chills when I watch this HUSKY DEFENSE. Something is brewing…we are special! Not yet as special as our '91 "National Champions" but I feel the same vibe! And Defense wins CHAMPIONSHIPS! So let's all get down to Eugene EARLY this weekend, stake out our territory and give this TEAM a home field advantage!

11) UNITY!!! - D.Chapelle - "I'm Rick James B*tch!

NOW GO BEAT THEM DOWN IN THEIR OWN BACKYARD! WE GOT YOUR BACK!

P.S. SOMEBODY PLEASE FOLLOW UP WITH LARRY SCOTT TO REQUEST A REVERSAL OF JOSH PERKINS SUSPENSION AND WE REQUEST THE OFFICIAL WHO MADE THAT CALL BE MADE ACCOUNTABLE, HAVING TO SIT OUT THE NEXT GAME WITHOUT PAY/ OR BE MADE TO RECEIVE ACUPUNCTURE IN ONE NUT-SACK…HIS CHOICE!

- Beast ala Mode