the Gekko File: Eastern Washington

Everyone and their mothers are doing previews of opponents on their site.  You yahoos are sorely deserving of the same mistreatment that other SBN blogs give their brethren.  And, since I know you will never read anything posted on the right hand side of this screen, I think I'm free to say whatever I want about any of you with a sense of assurance that you'll never know it.  So here is a shout out to you monkeys of Monklake - I'm talking about you Carl, Crazi, Kirk, Prr, Lear, B-Money, Cassino, OldD, JB, Joe, Bugs, and Lorenzo.  Here's muck in your eyes.

EASTERN WASHINGTON - A Preview

You obviously know that Eastern Washington is the reigning FCS champion, that their main campus is in Cheney, and that their standout tailback, Taiwan Jones, is gone after having been drafted in the NFL draft.  But, did you know:

.. that their Mascot is the Eagles and that their team colors are Red and White?

.. that their Head Coach, Beau Baldwin, is a former Central Wash QB who coached there (including serving as QB coach to Jon Kitna) for 10 years before spending the last seven at Eastern?

.. that EWU has produced over 20,000 teachers spread throughout the nation?  If you assume that each one of them is teaching 10 students on average this year (some attrition must be accounted for) than that means that there are 200,000 kids in the United States who are getting taught by an EWU grad.  And you thought illegal immigration was an epidemic.

.. that their two most significant players on offense are QB Bo Levi Mitchell and WR Brandon Kaufman?  Mitchell has managed to grow and prosper despite being burdened with a first name of epic redneck proportions.  He is a senior transfer from SMU who was the Eagles' best player last year having thrown for over 3000 yds with 37 TDs against 15 INTs.  Kaufman was his favorite target.  In the FCS Championship game alone, they hooked up for 120 yds on nine completions

.. that the EWU defense boasts two all-Americans who are, in real life, twin brothers?  Safety Matt Johnson and Linebacker Zach Johnson are probably the two best players on the EWU D.  Matt had five interceptions last season.  Zach averaged 9 tackles a game as a junior and now steps in as the heart of the D with the graduation of EWU's best defensive player from last season, JC Sherritt.

.. that EWU lost two games last season (by 25 pts @ Nevada and by 23 pts vs Montana St) before ticking off 11 straight victories en route to their FCS title claim?

.. the EWU campus claims that its student population is 57% female?  What they don't tell you is that the first 53% of them would get crushed by Rosie O'Donnell in a Miss Fitness USA conference while the remaining 4% are lesbian

.. that EWU has a big challenge in Special Teams?  Kicker Mike Jarrett is a typical 50% PK type of guy with limited range while the P job is unfilled following the graduation of Cam Zuber

.. that EWU's best o-lineman is Gabriel Jackson?  He is a 6-4, 280 lb Tacoma native who earned second team all-Big Sky honors last year.  He also likes puppies and long walks on the beach and he is reportedly looking forward to the challenge of lining up against Hau'oli Jamora.

.. that EWU, along with every other FCS school in the land, has never played UW?  In fact, Washington, Notre Dame, UCLA and USC are the only FBS schools to have never played an FCS program ... until this season.

.. that EWU is both a favorite to win the Big Sky again this year and ranked #1 in the pre-season poll for the FCS?  Their biggest competition in the Big Sky is expected to come from both Montana and Montana State while the other contenders in the FCS are expected to be Appalachian State, North Dakota State and William and Mary (among others)

EASTERN WASHINGTON @ WASHINGTON PREVIEW:

Outside the friendly confines of their hideously red-painted Roos Field, EWU is still an FCS school.  This is not a slight as much as it is a statement of fact. All-time, FBS schools are 1740-388-17 vs FCS schools for a stunning 81% win rate.  In the Pac 12, there have only been four wins by FCS schools vs FBS opponents, and two of those happened against Colorado and Utah, respectively.  The biggest upset in the old Pac 10 was probably UC Davis beating a very bad Stanford team in 2005 (the other was a Montana victory over a very bad Oregon St team in the mid-nineties). 

Don't be frightened by the fact that the Cougs almost got beat by Montana two years ago (ok, I know that you weren't, I just wanted a reason to call out the Cougs for that near-miss).  The Eagles have no advantages along the lines and will have a very difficult time defending UW's athletes on the perimeter.  The best shot the Eagles have is to spread out the field and lean on the talents of Bo Levi (at SMU, he played for June Jones' run and shoot) to catch Huskies unprepared.  They are going to have to score a lot of points, because UW will just be too dominating when they have the ball.  I don't see it. 

PREDICTIONS:  PAIN.... I mean .... EWU 10  -  UW  38

- Callier will score his first two NCAA TDs
- Price will throw for 220 yds and two TDs
- Shirley will record his first NCAA sack
- UW is going to block a punt ... I'm betting Glenn is the lucky guy
- Alameda will make at least two EWU o-linemen poo their pants
- Coach Sark will not get a Gatorade bath