The usual nonsense
by John Berkowitz on Oct 23, 2009 1:54 PM PDT
22 comments
One Liners
Q: Why are they planning to resurface the playing field at Autzen Stadium with cardboard?
A: Because the Ducks always play better on paper!
Q: What is the difference between an Oregon fan and a three-week-old puppy?
A: Eventually the puppy will stop whining.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with an Oregon graduate?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig just won't do.
Q: Why was O.J. Simpson trying to escape to Eugene, Oregon?
A: Police would never look for a Heisman Trophy winner there.
Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Eugene?
A: Seattle: 283 Miles
Q: If you see an Oregon fan on a bike, why should you not swerve to hit him?
A: It could be your bike.
Q: You're trapped in a room with an angry grizzly bear, a hungry Lion, and an Oregon Duck fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Oregon Duck fan... twice.
A : What do you get when you drag a $1,000 bill through a housing project?
Q: An Oregon football signee.
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A man is sitting at a park bench when beautiful woman sits next to him and they engage in conversation. Shortly after, the woman says, "So, I bet you're a Oregon fan." The man says enthusiastically, "Why yes I am. How did you know? My intelligence? My wit? My good looks?" The beautiful woman says, "No. I saw your class ring when you were picking your nose."
*********************************************************************************************************************
Coaches Chip Kelly and Steve Sarkisian are walking down the beach talking about the rivalry between Oregon and Washington. As they are walking, Sark trips over something in the sand. Upon closer inspection it turns out to be a genie's lamp. "Who disturbs me?" asked the genie. Chip and Sark both say they did. "You will each get one wish," said the genie. Chip offers to go first. "I want an impenetrable wall built around the entire state of Oregon so that none of those stupid Washingtonian's can ever get in. I want it as far down into the ground as it is high and I want it to be completely sealed in so that we can finally have our peace!" The genie grants the wish to Chip and he is instantly whisked away to his new paradise. The genie now tells Sark he'll grant him one wish. Sark says, "Fill it with water."
*********************************************************************************************************************
A Washington fan was driving down a desolate road late one night and gets into a collision with an Oregon fan driving in the opposite direction. Both cars are totaled but amazingly, both men survive. The Husky fan looks at the Duck fan and says, "You know, we should both be dead. I think this is God's way of saying that we should put our petty differences aside and be friends." The Oregon fan agrees.
The Washington fan then pops open his trunk and says, "Look at this bottle of Jack Daniels. Not even broken. I think this is another sign God wants us to get along." The Oregon fan agrees and says, "Lets have a toast," and starts chugging the whiskey. The Oregon fan drinks half the bottle and says to the Husky fan, "Ok, your turn buddy," and offers the bottle back to him. The Husky fan says, "No thanks. I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
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The Seven Dwarfs were marching through the forest one day they fell in a deep, dark ravine. Snow White, who was following along, peered over the edge of the steep chasm and called out to the fallen dwarfs. From the depths of the dark hole a voice returned, "The Oregon Ducks are Rose Bowl contenders."
Snow White thought to herself, "Thank God... at least Dopey's survived!"
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One day in an elementary school in Portland a teacher asks her class if the Oregon Ducks are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, "The Washington Huskies "
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Husky fan, my mom is a Husky fan, I guess that makes me a Husky fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me an Oregon fan."
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Q: How many University of Oregon freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it’s a sophomore course.
Q: What do you call a Oregon player with a championship ring?
A: A thief!
OMG!! These are hilarious!!!
You UW fans are so witty and creative!! I mean, I’ve never heard any of these “jokes” before….Glad you have something amusing to occupy your time….I’ll be sure to post my jokes AFTER we win today…..And on that note, we’ve won 5 straight against the the puppies, right? Sure a lot of sh** being talked for a team that hasn’t beat us in 5 years….But I guess when humor is all you’ve got you embrace it, huh? Reality is the best humor….
by ClydeTheGlyde on Oct 24, 2009 6:49 AM PDT up reply actions
Clyde the Glyde
Since you don’t really get it here is another link to some people having fun that do.
by John Berkowitz on Oct 24, 2009 7:55 AM PDT up reply actions
Touche...
Probably should have gotten some caffeine into my system before replying…..my apologies…..
by ClydeTheGlyde on Oct 24, 2009 9:21 AM PDT up reply actions
No problem Clyde…we are just here to serve and have some fun.
by John Berkowitz on Oct 24, 2009 9:36 AM PDT up reply actions
Clyde - Don't forget
UW leads the series 58-37, oops.
"Legends are made on the shores of Lake Washington"
"BOW DOWN TO WASHINGTON"
oh let me try
Q: What’s the difference between UW and Duke?
A: Duke won a game last year.
Reality is the best humor.
--Dave
Addicted to Quack, SBN's Oregon Ducks blog
a related one...
Q: What is the difference between Columbia and Oregon?
Columbia has won a Rose Bowl in the last 90 years
You are right, reality is the best humor
by tomsmi on Oct 23, 2009 3:46 PM PDT up reply actions 1 recs
Too much like fun
Q: What’s the difference between an Oregon fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
"Legends are made on the shores of Lake Washington"
"BOW DOWN TO WASHINGTON"
I'll play
Eugene News Report: Football practice in Eugene was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Chip Kelley, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
Hi, my name is Connor. Except over on ATQ where I am known as, "JConnor."
Another one
Four college alumni were climbing a mountain one day: an Oregon, an Oregon State grad, a Florida grad, and a Notre Dame grad. Each proclaimed to be the most loyal of all fans at their alma mater.
As they climbed higher, they argued as to which one of them was the most loyal of all. They argued all the way up the mountain, and when they reached the top, the Notre Dame grad hurled himself off the mountain, shouting “This is for the Fighting Irish!” as he fell to his doom.
Not wanting to be out done, the Florida grad threw himself off the mountain proclaiming, “This is for the Gators!”
Seeing this, the Oregon State grad walked over and shouted “This is for the Beavers!” and pushed the Ducks fan off the side of the mountain.
Another One:
Q: How do you get an University of Oregon grad off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
And Another One:
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Oregon’s football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn’t been colored yet.
Hi, my name is Connor. Except over on ATQ where I am known as, "JConnor."
Leg Humpers (BTW yes you have a recent Rose Bowl, yes we have twice as many HOF's)
A Duck fan in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, “Wanna hear a joke about Fusky fans?”
The guy next to him replies, “Well, before you tell that joke you should know something. I’m 6’ tall and 220 pounds and I’m a Fusky fan. The guy sitting next to me is 6’2” tall, 240 pounds and he’s a Fusky fan, and the guy sitting next to him is 6’5", 280 pounds and he’s a Fusky fan, too. Now, do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The Duck fan says, “Nah, not if I’m gonna have to explain it three times.”
Damien...just to be fair...
I left a few untold so you guys could insert the name just to make it fair.
It is going to be a great game….!
Final One
Coach Mike Bellotti is dressing only 10 players for their PAC-10 game at Washington next week. The rest will have to get dressed by themselves.
Hi, my name is Connor. Except over on ATQ where I am known as, "JConnor."
Q: How is a Broadway Musical different from an Oregon Duck season?
A: 3 fewer costume changes and half as many sequins.
I got a good one!
Whats the difference between cheerios and the Washington Huskies?
Cheerios belong in a bowl!
How do you make Oregon Duck cookies?
But them in a bowl, and beat them for 3 hours.
"Legends are made on the shores of Lake Washington"
"BOW DOWN TO WASHINGTON"
What's the difference between a large pizza and former Oregon Duck football players.
A large pizza can feed a family of four.
"Legends are made on the shores of Lake Washington"
"BOW DOWN TO WASHINGTON"
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